Part of my heart went missing this morning.
My son was here for Christmas… Nine days! Wow!!! In the weeks/days leading up to his arrival, I was SO over-the-top excited. It would be absolutely amazing to have him here that long! Such an incredible Christmas blessing. As excited as I was, however, I knew there were also risks. Having him here that long would mean that my heart might start to play tricks on me. And boy was I was right. It certainly did.
My heart went right into “mama mode”. He was back home. In his old room, his old bed. His dishes were in the sink. He was asleep on the couch with the dogs. His towel was back on his bathroom floor. It was just like it was before he moved away.
There were friends and family; dinners and parties; games and movies. We ate too much and slept too little. We laughed, we cried, we reminisced.
Until this morning…
I woke up with that feeling. You know the one. It’s dark and empty and makes you want to just close your eyes and return to the comfort of your dreams. But reality is unavoidable. So after a good cry (Wait. Is there such a thing…?), I walked down the hall towards his (old) bedroom. The light was on. I knocked. “What sounds good for breakfast? Eggs? French toast? Smoothie?” I could see him searching my face; my eyes. He knew. “A smoothie would be great.”, he replied, almost apologetically. I feel terrible about being so sad in front of him, but he knows that is just the way of my heart. The next hour passed in a heartbeat. It was time to go. His cousin’s car was in the driveway ready to begin the eight hour, 500 mile journey home. Yes… Home. The reality is, this is not “home” for him anymore. In his heart; Yes. A part of his heart will always be “home” here… in our hearts. No matter where life takes all of us. But he has moved on, and it is just as it should be. That, my friends, is one hefty of dose of reality. I have no regrets, though. None. I wouldn’t trade a single moment of all the happy, even knowing that the sad would follow. We must always remember to savor each and every moment that we are blessed with.
Exactly eight hours later; his text… “Made it back safe & sound. Miss & love you.” He includes a sad emoji and a big red heart. He is not an emoji guy. That was for me. I simply respond, “me too“.
He is home.